The Unsexy Part: Making Space

You know what it's like to do everything right and still find yourself back in a similar situation with the same feeling and story around it. And what you’re already doing helps. Some of it helped a lot. 

You're not the same person you were five years ago. You've made real progress, made better choices, and grown in ways you couldn't have imagined. You’ve even owned up to the consequences of your decisions. Because trying was never the problem.

And yet… it keeps showing up. 

Familiar enough for you to recognize a pattern.
And hard to explain how it genuinely affects you to people who haven't been where you are. Especially because everyone else sees your success.

Here’s the thing…

I've sat with enough people to know that the thing keeping you in the same loop is never what it looks like from the surface. Never. And your mind can’t take take you to where it lives.

Here’s what this looks like in real life…

She came in because an ex kept taking real estate in her head.

Two years into a happy new relationship. She couldn’t understand why he was still there. 

She'd done therapy, retreats, resets, you name it. She understood the patterns. She could explain exactly why that relationship had been wrong for her. And still… there he was.

We didn't talk about him.

In one session we ended up somewhere she hadn't visited in decades. A memory so old she'd forgotten it existed. And then we went even further, to a memory of her father, before she was even born. To something he had carried that had been passed on to her without either of them knowing. Then another one, one of her mother’s…

When we came back and tested her original feeling… the not-enoughness the ex triggered in her, she verified the shift. She said: "It feels like peace. I’m even smiling now."

It wasn't about the ex. It never was. He’d just been the most recent experience showcasing what had been living in her, long before he ever arrived.

This was only our first session.

She came to me about her weight.

Gorgeous and successful gal. Decades of yo-yo dieting. Losing lbs, then finding them again. 

She told me “just a couple of weeks ago I was wearing my skinny dress and now my fat pants feel like they don’t even fit.” The morning she reached out, she’d seen “a new roll on her back” that wasn’t there before.

She knew exactly what she should eat and was doing the opposite anyway. She'd read the books, understood her body and calories, emotional eating and how to manage it, and had even done work around reframing her mother's voice… the one that told her nobody would love her if she wasn't thin.

She was tired and done with it because weight was taking up too much mental and emotional space, and she was ready to invest it elsewhere.

But she had in a way accepted it. She thought maybe this was the best it would get, and she’d just had to live with it until it went away. Fortunately, that’s not the case.

So we jumped right in. What we found went so much deeper than her mother’s remarks. Deeper than food and the size of her body. Deeper than letting herself be seen.

She discovered several threads, seemingly unrelated, but all knotted together explaining her lack of inspired action. All in one place she’d never even considered to look:

Stories she hadn't connected to or even remembered. Some that existed in her body but weren’t part of this lifetime. Things she hadn't known were still running quietly in the background of every choice she made around food, her body, and how she showed up professionally.

When we tested at the end, back to the feelings that had brought her to me, they weren't there anymore. Gone.

She’s told me she feels different in her body now. When time to eat comes around she feels like she truly has the choice… no more internal “I should order the healthy one”, more like seeing both the “salad” and the “carb loaded option” purely as options. And then letting her body make the choice which has opened up a naturally balanced way of eating she enjoys, without guilt or internal struggles.

She came in terrified of losing her job

By every measure she was excelling. Her team exceeded business goals, raving performance reviews, trusted by her team, respected by leadership. And still, every restructuring announcement, every closed door meeting, every slight shift in her manager's tone sent her spiraling into absolute certainty that this was it. This was the day it would all be taken away.

Logic couldn't touch it. 

She knew the fear wasn't rational. Knowing didn't help.

We didn't work on her confidence, or on calming her nervous system.
We didn't reframe her beliefs or build a case for why she was safe.
We went to where the fear lived.

It had nothing to do with her job and everything to do with something much older than her career.

When we came back to test the feeling… nothing. No more fear of not having enough of what she needs. Just peace and a spark of curiosity of what she could start building in its place.

What all three of these (and every client session) has in common is this:

What you come in with is real... your pain, your pattern, the experiences that repeat with different characters and slightly different storylines.. All real. But what you believe is provoking the beliefs and emotions and that you keep trying to “fix” is just the most recent place the source of it all decided to show up.

And the source, the original memory and belief that’s been messing with you, lives somewhere you’re not even considering.

That's where we go… together.

Not to relive it or understand it better. And not to learn to manage it more gracefully. But to make space.. To empty your cup… Because you can't fill a cup that's already full of everything you've been carrying. And you've been carrying it long enough. 

If something in you already knows it’s time, let’s chat.

This work won’t leave you with a high that that fades by next Tuesday. It changes you at the core, and you’ll still feel the difference years on out.